monster sarcasm rally

How to write a novel in 6,487 days or more: Day 296

Step 1: Make coffee.

Step 2: Sit on couch drinking coffee. Continue for 45 minutes. Converse with Ford and As Yet Unrechristened Female Housemate.

Step 3: Go to bedroom. Begin clearing off desk.

Step 4: Go to kitchen. Wash several dishes.

Step 5: Let dogs out. Wait two minutes. Let dogs in.

Step 6: Go to bedroom. Look up recipes for cake for Hot Guy's birthday party this evening. Continue clearing off desk.

Step 7: Go downstairs. Do laundry.

Step 8: Go to kitchen. Wash several dishes.

Step 9: Remove frozen burger patty from freezer. Turn on stove. Place patty in frying pan on stove.

Step 10: Go to bedroom. Check e-mail. Read several blogs.

Step 11: Respond to smoke alarm. Turn off stove. Turn on fan. Open windows. Eat lunch.

Step 12: Go to bedroom. Continue clearing off desk.

Step 13: Go to dining room. Stare at — Oops, I mean converse with — Hot Guy.

Step 14: Make coffee. Pour two cups. Take one cup to Hot Guy in the living room. Add brown sugar and whipping cream to the other. Put cup on desk in dining room.

Step 15: Go to bedroom. Unplug good mouse and keyboard from good computer. Carry to dining room. Plug good mouse and keyboard into old computer. Sit down on awesome new chair. Write 200 words in chapter 5 of novel.

Step 16: Go downstairs. Put laundry in dryer.

Step 17: Go to dining room. Sit on couch. Converse with Ford.

Step 18: Move to awesome new chair in dining room. Write 100 words in chapter 30 of novel.

Step 19: Laugh at Hot Guy for not having touched his coffee yet.

Step 20: Discover coffee on dining room desk. Drink a bit.

Step 21: Let dogs out. Wait two minutes. Let dogs in.

Step 22: Unplug keyboard and mouse from old computer in dining room. Carry to bedroom. Connect them to new computer.

Step 23: Write pointless blog. Re-read pointless post twelve times. Hit 'Publish Post' button.