Hi, I'd like to place an order please.
Thanks, can I get a smart, funny, hot guy with a side of athletic and outdoorsy, and can I get him to bring me chocolate? Oh, and if it's not too much trouble, could you let him know that it should be organic fair-trade chocolate?
Great, and can you please deliver that to my house?
Perfect, thanks!
Wait... What do you mean I can't keep him?
But he has to be hot! I'm sending my mail-order groom back if he's not as hot as it says on the packaging.
the sarcastrix