monster sarcasm rally

What's that old adage about making friends with the administrative staff? Something about all the influence they have and whatever.

First Bridget, and now Jadis... Jadis is she who outlawed plants. I have never had an actual conversation with her. A word here and there, nothing unfriendly... Until today.

I decided to brave some of the Starbucks swill we have here for the simple reason that I may be cheap but I do need my fix.

Uh oh. No cream. Not even any milk. Ugh.

I need cream for my coffee and for my corn flakes, so I decided to do what Meat Guy taught me to do: pilfer some from the Executive Kitchen. I walked over there and opened the fridge. There was a little bit of milk, but no cream. Ugh.

I walked to the front desk. The receptionist wasn't in yet, so Jadis was sitting there. She was talking to somebody, so I waited. When she finished her conversation she turned to me.

'Yes', she said in a voice that could easily freeze all Narnia. 'What can I do for you?'

I asked her if she knew if there was any cream anywhere.

'For what?', she demanded. As though I clearly had some evil plans for it... Like I wanted to steal the company's cream and sell it on the black market for fun and profit...

When I said it was for coffee, she asked me if I'd looked. Of course I looked, you self-righteous, illegitimate offspring of a vapid whore and an eight-timing politician with cheese for brains! Did she think I walked all the way from my desk because I was too stupid to look in the fridge?

When I said I had looked, she asked me if I had found any. Again, if I had found any, why on earth would I walk all the way out to the reception area to ask if there were any?

'Well, then there isn't any'.

And that, dear reader, is why I went downstairs and bought a ridiculously expensive but oh-so-good latte from my old friend, Timothy.