monster sarcasm rally

Right.

Yesterday building services came around and collected all the plants from our office. Nobody knew why or what was going on. Word came down from the office manager today. She ordered them all taken away because:

1. we keep killing them; and
2. we don't have room.

First off, since building services looks after the plants, wouldn't it be they that committed the alleged herbicide? Secondly, just how much room did she think they were taking up? It's not like they had their own office or anything.

I don't actually like plants or anything, I just think this is sort of stupid. I think there's an entirely other reason for the removal of the plants, something they don't want us to know about. My theories so far are as follows.

• The plants failed to meet their semi-annual quota. If you're not bringing money into the firm, you must be sucking it out.
• The plants' reminded employees of the existence of a world outside of the office. Such ideas are not to be tolerated.
• The plants failed to conform to the office colour standards of beige and grey. The existence of colours outside this spectrum may cause creativity amongst employees. This will not be tolerated.

Since I can't help but notice that they left the one artificial plant, in spite of the fact that it was by far the biggest, I am forced to conclude that this must have something to do with the removal of its compatriates.

• The living plants absorb carbon monoxide and breathe out oxygen. This causes employees to be healthy and alert. Healthy and alert employees have lives outside of the office. This is not acceptable.
• The plants served as a reminder that it was possible to exist without constant paranoia and stress. This, also, is unacceptable.