monster sarcasm rally

The building in which I work sent around a notice a while back that they would be delivering compost bins to all offices. We didn't get one. It turns out that my boss's assistant, Bridget Jones, told them not to bring us one because she didn't want the extra work. She said it was hard enough for her to keep the kitchen clean without anything more to look after.

First off, it's not extra work; it's an extra bin. The building staff empty it every night. All you have to do is um... Wait... Sorry, what is it you do again?

Secondly, hold on a sec. Who cleans the kitchen? I was under the impression that it was New Chick and I. Oh and the boss... Periodically he gets fed up with the state of it and goes on a cleaning rampage. When is it that you do it?

I ordered a compost bin and typed up the following memo to put on the front of it.

Say hello to the Sarcastrix's new pet, Oscar.

He needs to be fed a daily diet of coffee grinds, tea bags, leftover food, McDonald’s packaging (minus the plastic bits), used kleenexes and paper towels. Please make sure he doesn’t go hungry, as he can be quite grouchy when he’s not fed properly.

Sincerely,
your friendly neighbourhood tree-hugging hippy freak

PS: If you're not sure what can go in and what can't, come and talk to me. I'm not as horrible as you've heard.

Update
Turns out Bridget Jones went off on a rant of her own when New Chick asked for the bin. She says that having the coffee grinds etc. in an open bin will stink. I'm not sure how she figures they'll stink more in an open compost bin than they will in an open garbage bin, but that's because I like things to make sense.

Further update
Bridget Jones just sent an e-mail to everybody announcing that I had no right to go over her head and order the bin. She marked the message urgent, and announced that the bin will be removed forthwith.

Okay, so she didn't actually use the word 'forthwith'. The fact that she didn't make any glaring spelling or grammatical errors in her message tells me that my boss proofread it for her.

Update to the further update
Bridget has advised me that the composer (sic) is to be taken away. And, naughty, naughty girl that I am, I must remember never, ever to do anything like that again.

keeping my head down and my mouth shut...

as if...