monster sarcasm rally

One of my housemates, fresh off the boat from England, has been on a mad hunt for all things Canadian to send to his family back home as Christmas gifts.

Aside from maple sypup, he queried Cute but Kinda Evil, Hot Guy and me, what are some distinctly Canadian things?

Well, there's Tim Horton, hockey player turned doughnut purveyor. Obviously... Mmmmm... Coffee... And toques, of course. Where would we be without our toques? And Laura Secord, war heroine turned chocolatier. And MEC. How can you spot a Canadian anywhere in the world?Certainly not by the Canadian flag, no, that's an American in disguise. The real Canadians are the ones with MEC logos on at least one of the following: backpack, jacket or toque.

And now, for your reading enjoyment, here are some Canadianisms I ripped off from around the worldwide web. The first two come from Molson, brewer of CANADIAN.

Hey,
I'm not a lumberjack, or a fur trader....
I don't live in an igloo or eat blubber, or own a dogsled....
and I don't know Jimmy, Sally or Suzy from Canada, although I'm certain they're really, really nice.
I have a Prime Minister, not a president.
I speak English and French, not American.
And I pronounce it 'about', not 'a boot'.
I can proudly sew my country's flag on my backpack.
I believe in peacekeeping, not policing; diversity, not assimilation; and that the beaver is a truly proud and noble animal.
A toque is a hat, a chesterfield is a couch, and it is pronounced 'zed' not 'zee', 'zed'!!!!Canada is the second largest landmass, the first nation of hockey, and the best part of North America!

My name is Joe,
And I. AM. CANADIAN!!!!

Here's to you, Canada.

_____________________________

Here's to your hockey hair, your long underwear, and your multi-coloured money.
Here's to saying please, your ducks and geese, and always bein' funny.
Here's to open spaces, away from Rat Races, and a beer that quenches the thirst!
Here's to bein' proud and sayin' it loud! Even when you don't come first.
Here's to your pretty girls, your black-coloured squirrels, and a flag that stands so free!
Here's to different races, from different places, who love this country, like me.

But most of all, here's to standin' tall, and sayin' it like a TRUE CANADIAN!

I love this land, I love this country,
And I. AM. CANADIAN!

_____________________________

Here are some reasons to be proud to be Canadian:

1. Smarties
2. Crispy Crunch, Coffee Crisp
3. The size of our footballs fields and one less down
4. Baseball is Canadian
5. Lacrosse is Canadian
6. Hockey is Canadian
7. Basketball is Canadian
8. Apple pie is Canadian
9. Mr. Dress-up kicks Mr. Rogers' ass
10. Tim Hortons kicks Dunkin' Donuts' ass
11. In the war of 1812, started by America, Canadians pushed the Americans back... past their 'White House'. Then we burned it... and most of Washington, under the command of William Lyon McKenzie, who was insane and hammered all the time. We got bored because they ran away, so we came home and partied... Go figure.
12. Canada has the largest French population that never surrendered to Germany.
13. We have the largest English population that never ever surrendered or withdrew during any war to anyone, anywhere.
14. Our civil war was a bar fight that lasted a little over an hour.
15. The only person who was arrested in our civil war was an American mercenary, who slept in and missed the whole thing... but showed up just in time to get caught.
16. We knew plaid was cool far before Seattle caught on.
17. The Hudsons Bay Company once owned over 10% of the earth's surface and is still around as the worlds oldest company.
18. The average dog sled team can kill and devour a full grown human in under 3 minutes.
19. We still know what to do with all the parts of a buffalo.
20. We don't marry our kin-folk.
21. We invented ski-doos, jet-skis, velcro*, zippers, insulin, penicillin, zambonis, the telephone and short wave radios that save countless lives each year.
22. We ALL have frozen our tongues to something metal and lived to tell about it.
23. A Canadian invented Superman.

BUT MOST IMPORTANT...
24. The handles on our beer cases are big enough to fit your hands with mitts on.

For more info, click the links below.
http://www.kwinternet.com/chris/timtest.html
http://www.canadaka.net/modules.php?name=Sections&op=viewarticle&artid=33

And then, if you're really jealous and want to become Canadian, click here.

*Frankly, though, I don't really see how Velcro has saved all that many lives.