monster sarcasm rally: Are you awake?

monster sarcasm rally

(contains short works of neurotica and general abuses of sarcasm)

10.3.05

Are you awake?

Dear Shane,

If it's late at night and my door is closed and my lights are off, it means I've gone to bed. In an emergency, you can wake me up. Acceptable emergencies include:

The house is burning down
One of your limbs has been severed and you need me to drive you to the hospital
~~A nuclear bomb has gone off~~ On second thought, I'll either wake up the next morning and find out or I won't. Either way not much I can do right now...

'Hey, have you got a calculator?' does not constitute a valid emergency. While it's true that I hadn't yet fallen asleep, my dogs had. They were snoring softly, until you knocked on my door and started shouting my name. Then they exploded in a frenzy of confused excitement.

If you ever do that again, I will find you a calculator and use it to club you to death.

Best regards,
The Sarcastrix

PS: What the hell do you need a calculator for? Is your brain broken?

|| this is the word of the sarcastrix @ 09:22