21.2.05
The only news that matters
I just went over to help myself to another one of the yummy Montreal bagels. They're sitting on a desk right next to the outgoing mail tray. As I was making off with my third breakfast treat of the day, I noticed the envelope on the top of the stack. It appeared to be a note-card. The envelope was a pretty blue one and the name and address were hand-written in loopy, girly writing. The name on the envelope was Mr P Martin.
What? Can it be? Does somebody in this office have a personal relationship with the Prime Minister of the country? Is it a birthday card? A thanks-for-last-night card? A note asking him to please dig his head out of his arse and notice that we voted him in* not because he's as freakin' awesome as he thinks he is, but simply for lack of a viable alternative.
The fact that it was curly, girly writing leads me to the only logical conclusion: he's having an affair with one of the women in the office. The Prime Minister of Canada is having an extramarital affair. And you heard it here first.
Is it too soon to go back for a fourth helping of breakfast?
*That's 'we' in the collective sense, not the personal sense. I voted Green.
What? Can it be? Does somebody in this office have a personal relationship with the Prime Minister of the country? Is it a birthday card? A thanks-for-last-night card? A note asking him to please dig his head out of his arse and notice that we voted him in* not because he's as freakin' awesome as he thinks he is, but simply for lack of a viable alternative.
The fact that it was curly, girly writing leads me to the only logical conclusion: he's having an affair with one of the women in the office. The Prime Minister of Canada is having an extramarital affair. And you heard it here first.
Is it too soon to go back for a fourth helping of breakfast?
*That's 'we' in the collective sense, not the personal sense. I voted Green.
||
this is the word of the sarcastrix @ 11:26
everybody's 2ยข worth:
at 12:44 
English Professor said...
Oh, for goodness sake, do what you have to do:
1) steam open the envelope, and "leak" the contents to the press if they're juicy; or, if they're not, re-seal it and
2) take a photo of the envelope in the out-box, and send it to the local muckrackers, along with your suspicions. The rest, as they say, will be history!
English Professor said... Oh, for goodness sake, do what you have to do:
1) steam open the envelope, and "leak" the contents to the press if they're juicy; or, if they're not, re-seal it and
2) take a photo of the envelope in the out-box, and send it to the local muckrackers, along with your suspicions. The rest, as they say, will be history!
at 12:52 cat said...
i used to live in Paul Martin's riding. then i moved. i now have people in my riding who look so generic i can't remember who they are.
and if it's that far past 11am you're into lunch bagels and so then it's ok to go back and have another one. everyone needs lunch.
are the bagels really that bad there? i was thinking of moving to ontario next year. hmm. i might have to rethink this if the bagels suck. you probably don't get steamie hotdogs either, huh?
cat said... i used to live in Paul Martin's riding. then i moved. i now have people in my riding who look so generic i can't remember who they are.
and if it's that far past 11am you're into lunch bagels and so then it's ok to go back and have another one. everyone needs lunch.
are the bagels really that bad there? i was thinking of moving to ontario next year. hmm. i might have to rethink this if the bagels suck. you probably don't get steamie hotdogs either, huh?
at 14:47 Bookfraud said...
Yeah, it's an affair. Without a doubt.
Too bad it wasn't the late Pierre T. (famous, glam) Or Brian Mulrooney. (scandalous) But not Jean Cretien. That would be scary. This was the man who said in response to complaints the RCMP put pepper spray in protesters eyes, "Pepper, I put it on my plate."
(Apropos of nothing, but I thought I would put it in there to burnish my Canadian credentials for when we really, really have to move from the states.)
Bookfraud said... Yeah, it's an affair. Without a doubt.
Too bad it wasn't the late Pierre T. (famous, glam) Or Brian Mulrooney. (scandalous) But not Jean Cretien. That would be scary. This was the man who said in response to complaints the RCMP put pepper spray in protesters eyes, "Pepper, I put it on my plate."
(Apropos of nothing, but I thought I would put it in there to burnish my Canadian credentials for when we really, really have to move from the states.)
at 15:11 
said...
cbk: I think we just get outraged over different scandals. During the Clinton impeachment we all sat back and scratched our heads wondering why the hell we needed to know any of this.
professor: Will I be graded on this assignment?
cat: You can get good bagels in Toronto; you just have to look harder.
saint: It's kind of like a constituency.
bookfraud: Don't be vulgar. Nobody would have sex with Chretien.
said... cbk: I think we just get outraged over different scandals. During the Clinton impeachment we all sat back and scratched our heads wondering why the hell we needed to know any of this.
professor: Will I be graded on this assignment?
cat: You can get good bagels in Toronto; you just have to look harder.
saint: It's kind of like a constituency.
bookfraud: Don't be vulgar. Nobody would have sex with Chretien.
at 09:34 Rachel said...
Hey Cat - best bagels on the planet are made at Gryfe's bakery on Bathurst Street up in the neighbourhood commonly known for it's high Orthodox Jewish population. You buy them about 2 minutes after they come out of the oven, and you can eat them just like that. It's almost defiling them to consider eating them any way other than plain.
Rachel said... Hey Cat - best bagels on the planet are made at Gryfe's bakery on Bathurst Street up in the neighbourhood commonly known for it's high Orthodox Jewish population. You buy them about 2 minutes after they come out of the oven, and you can eat them just like that. It's almost defiling them to consider eating them any way other than plain.
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Ha, I wonder if he really was having an a affair if it would be a big a scandal as the whole sponsorship debacle. It's funny to me, an American, how outraged Canadians get about such tame political "scandals." If our politicians aren't wasting inordinate amounts of money we get suspicious and vote the out.