monster sarcasm rally

On Friday night CbKE, Ford and I went to the movies. The theatre, which was somewhat larger than my car, was packed when we arrived. We took the three remaining seats: in front of a gaggle of giggling teenage girls and next to a couple looking for a dark place to make out. They were tired of being interrupted by her mother, who kept asking them if they wanted more cookies. They tried using his 1992 Honda Civic, but the cops kept banging on the window and asking them if everything was all right.

The lights dimmed and we sat through 16 commercials, pleading with us all to join the army and buy this spiffy new brand of toothpaste. Then we watched a series of trailers. Personally, I'm really looking forward to Kindergarten CopThe Pacifier. Finally, we get to discover Vin Diesel's softer side.

Eventually, they woke us all up to announce that the feature film was about to start. I hope I'm not giving too much away when I tell you that the movie opens with a little girl lying on a merry-go-round. (Funny, isn't that the little girl who's in every movie lately?) She spins faster and faster as her mother pushes her. The girl and her mother are both giggling. (Hmm... Interesting. Totally not the opening I would have expected for Constantine...)

Robert DeNiro appears behind them. (What? Robert DeNiro? I didn't know he was in this.)

Suddenly we're all asking each other which theatre we're in. (Is this Constantine? Are you here for Constantine? Did we accidentally walk into the wrong theatre?)

On screen, the mother is now putting her daughter to bed. It's all very sweet and plodding.

The entire theatre is now grumbling that this is definitely not the right movie. Somebody goes out in search of the theatre staff. A face appears in the projection room. It looks at the projector and the screen and then disappears.

A while later the movie stops. A teenage girl appears and announces that they are searching for the correct reel so that our movie can begin. Somebody asks if we get free popcorn.

No.

[humming... twiddling thumbs... awkward conversation...]

Eventually, the room dims again. We are pleaded with to join the army and use this spiffy new toothpaste. We watch a different set of trailers. After a while, we're woken up to enjoy our feature presentation.