monster sarcasm rally

Oh look! It's a post that's not about browsers or html or web design software or my own ineptitude.

I took the streetcar to work the other day. I can't remember why, but I did. As I was standing, I looked over at somebody's newspaper. A headline jumped out at me.

Heart Tattoos No Longer Fashionable

What! Promise me that's not true! I don't want people to think I'm unfashionable. Then I might not be popular anymore. What if people stop loving me because I'm permanently branded as out of style?

But sarcastrix, you don't seem like somebody who'd get a heart tattoo. We figure'd you'd have bizarre and unusual tattoos.

Of course I haven't got a heart tattoo, you idiot! What do you think, I'd actually walk into a place and demand a pretty red heart with ribbons and bows running through it? Hello! As if.

No, I have a kidney bean tattooed on my arm. The problem is that people are stupid. When I tell them it's a bean, they say 'Oh, I thought it was a heart'. Again: people are stupid. Why would my dog be eating a heart? More importantly, why would I want a tattoo of my dog eating a heart? That's gross.

Dudes, he's eating a bean. Once and for all, that's a bean in his mouth. It even looks like a kidney bean. You have to stretch your imagination all the way to Cleveland to make it look like a heart. Maybe people just don't expect to see a kidney bean inked onto somebody's arm and their minds grasp at straws. Why? Again: people are dumb.

But anyways... As if it's not bad enough that people think I have a little, itty bitty heart tattooed on my arm, now they're going to think it's a little, itty bitty unfashionable heart.

Great. Thanks.

Now piss off, the lot of you.