monster sarcasm rally

(contains short works of neurotica and general abuses of sarcasm)

10.1.05

Two memos

Attention: Beer Guy
Re: Your son

This message is to advise you that I do not care how cute your baby is. I am not interested what cute baby things he did over Christmas. Oh, your wife's family think that he's just the greatest thing ever and queued up for the chance to hold him! Right, see, I am not interested. I don't care how often he pukes. I don't care that he thought the waves on the beach were scary. I will not be walking down to your office to see all the pictures of him you have on your computer. Please consider learning a new topic of conversation, or I will request that your visits to our end of the office desist.


Attention: Gareth
Re: Your conversations

This message is to advise you that I'm tired of listening to your telephone conversations. Now, I sympathise with the fact that you are a boor. You have no class, no tact and a one-track mind. I don't particularly object to these traits. You cannot help who you are, and it would be unreasonable of me to expect you to change. But — for frig's sake! Stop shouting. You're a good 10 metres away. There are cubicle walls, plants, people, machines and a hallway between us. The televisions are still blaring the shouted news reports in every direction. I shouldn't hear every single word that comes out of your ill-bred mouth.

PS: Oggy oggy oggy!

PPS: Fat chicks generally don't like to be told that they're fat.
|| this is the word of the sarcastrix @ 11:33

everybody's 2¢ worth:

at 14:04 Blogger Unknown said...
I think we work in the same office.

 
at 14:40 Anonymous Anonymous said...
[shudder]

The idea that somebody out there might be carelessly harpooning my every move/though/word/deed is just simply too much to face. I don't think I'm prepared to deal with that.

sarcastrix

 
at 16:35 Anonymous Anonymous said...
Ha!! Gareth works in your office! The odd thing is that on my previous comment on the confession, I was going to write a post script saying that there should be someone rechristianed after someone from the office. But you beat me to it. I am highly entertained by the fact that you have a Gareth in your office, and yet feel sorry for you that you have a Gareth in your office.

Anne

 
at 16:52 Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yup. Didn't even occur to me until this morning, when he started talking. Remember that bit in the deleted scenes, where Gareth starts asking whether it's okay for him to tell the fat chick to lose some weight or he wouldn't sleep with her anymore? Well, this Gareth was talking noisily on the phone one day to some buddy of his. He said he'd gone out for drinks with a fat chick the night before, so he kept making fat chick jokes all night. He said she laughed the first 20 times or so, but then she kinda got annoyed. No, really? Go figure...

sarcastrix

 

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