monster sarcasm rally

Once upon a time there was a chick. We'll call her Stupid Head. She wasn't all-the-time stupid or even all-around stupid, but she suffered from occasional bouts of colossal stupidity.

We interrupt this little fairy tale to let you in on a very important fact: Stupid Head was allergic to coconut and palm oil. Moreover, Stupid Head knew full well that she was allergic to them. We now return you to the regularly scheduled tale of idiocy.

Stupid Head went out for New Year's Day brunch with her housemates. She looked at the menu and saw one of the most beautiful words ever written: Mochaccino.

'Oh boy', thought Stupid Head, 'I sure would like to have a mochaccino. I think I will order one'.

'But you shouldn't do that', thought Stupid Head's Less Stupid Self. 'It might have coconut or palm oil in it'.

'Piss off, Less Stupid Self', thought Stupid Head. 'If I end up itchy for a few hours, you can just take some antihistamines'.

Stupid Head ordered the mochaccino, and it was good. However four days later, she was still covered in little red spots. By then they didn't so much itch anymore as burn.

Stupid Head's Less Stupid Self kept muttering 'I told you so', in a very self-righteous way and acting all smug.

Stupid Head was pissed off at her Less Stupid Self for having allowed her to drink the mochaccino, and at the mochaccino for having been so tempting, and at her skin for being so ill mannered. When asked, she declined to accept responsibility for the results of her actions.

Stupid Head and her Less Stupid Self have not ruled out the possibility of divorce.

the end



Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go take another antihistamine.