monster sarcasm rally

Determined to get a hit through google, I've taken to making up my own pointless news reports.

Following their recent break up, Jennifer Aniston has announced her intention to seek a position with the Internal Revenue Service, while Brad Pitt has joined the WWE. Rumours are wildly spreading across the internet that the real reason for the break-up was Pitt’s obsession with Randy Moss.

The late Martin Luther King Jr. was spotted last night on a Delta Airlines flight to Cleveland. Fellow passengers say he looks remarkably good for a dead guy.

In other news, Britney Spears is seeking to become the first non-human player in the NFL. She says that she shouldn’t be turned down because she promises she’s a really, really good player. ‘I’ve been playing baseball on my Playstation 2, like, pretty much 24 hours a day all week, so I’m sure I could do it for real’.

Oh, and you’ll never guess who had a Nip Slip in the middle of the North American International Auto Show. It wasn’t me, I can tell you that much.

Join us next week, when we fill you in on why the NBA Players Association is filing a lawsuit against the People’s Choice Awards, and let you know why we think Jerry Orbach deserves to be America’s Next Top Model. What exactly were Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton doing outside Sean Connery’s hotel room last Tuesday night? We may never know the answer to that, but we’ll certainly be featuring photos of the catfight.