monster sarcasm rally

Q: When is a house not a home?
A: When the people living in it are not related to one another. So saith the City of Toronto Fire Department at any rate...

The fire inspector checked out my house. He looked in rooms and closets and poked smoke detectors. He asked me a number of questions; one of them was whether we were related or friends. I said we were friends. He smiled and made a note. When the property manager came into the room, he informed her that a house classified as a single-family dwelling is required to contain only a single family. She advised him that this contradicted everything that had been communicated to her over the years.

This is a very serious matter. We're talking about people's safety.

Um... Hi. How on earth does that pertain to anybody's safety? By all accounts, we could have six people, 26 people, or even 126 people living in the house as long as we were all related. But now they're saying I can't live with anybody I'm not related to? How is that unsafe? How is a house of nine related people safer than a house of three unrelated people? How would it be made more safe if we started having sex?* Sheds all new light on the concept of safe sex, doesn't it?

If I had answered that Dawn was my mother's cousin's wife's niece and Kinda Cute but Evil was my same-sex common-law life partner, we wouldn't be having this conversation. We would then count as a family and everything would be nice and safe. Since, however, I said that we were friends, our house constitutes a fire hazard.

What the hell? What kind of drugs are the city planners on? Can I get some?

*A conjugal relationship between co-habitators constitutes a common-law spousal arrangement, and therefore constitutes a family.